Did your mother tell you as a child “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all”? I remember my mother saying that to me – especially when my brothers and I would argue and name call. But for me her words carried a larger message than just those situations…and it wasn’t just my mother. School, the church, and society all teach us that we must “be polite”, “say nice things”, “don’t start an argument”… and I find myself as an adult still trying to live by those rules.
“Turn the other cheek,” Jesus said. But when I look at his life recorded in the gospel texts I find that Jesus didn’t always turn the other cheek. He didn’t respond or lash out as I am sometimes tempted to do, but he didn’t simply ignore wrong behavior, inappropriate comments, or injustice. I think too often we take “turn the other cheek” to mean ignoring what is wrong for the sake of being “polite”. But if I am living the questions, then I am seeking, like Jesus, to transform lives (beginning with my own). And this can’t be done if we don’t find a way to speak the truth in love with one another.
After worship Sunday, a member of our congregation said to me: “When the insult, injustice, abuse is directed at me, then I can choose to ‘turn the other cheek’; I have that choice. But I hadn’t thought about when it’s directed at someone else – someone who can’t defend themselves.”
So what do I do then? What is my responsibility? And when is it my responsibility? (I can hear Jesus now – first a story followed by a question… “who was a neighbor”) What I find difficult is walking the path between never saying a word that disrupts or confronts, and always being challenging and confrontational. It’s difficult to know when to confront and when to turn the other cheek. And it is especially difficult to know how to confront in ways that encourage the other person to continue listening, ways that aren’t disrespectful – and in ways that encourage me to continue listening to them, too. But if the path I am on calls me to share my truth, then I must be open to God’s leading, sharing the words I have been given when I am called to do so.
What about you? Have you learned how to speak truth in loving ways, or do you too readily turn the other cheek? Do you find it easier to speak out for someone else, or to speak out for yourself?